What will my marriage look like? This is a question that we might ask as we approach the empty nest. As I thought about my empty nest in the early years I realized that I could easily fall into one of two traps. I could adopt an attitude in which I would expect my husband John to meet the emotional void that would be created when my children left. I could unconsciously expect him to meet my needs, to empathize with me, to affirm me, to give me a new purpose, and to understand my emotions. And if he didn’t, I would be disappointed or even critical. I had to remember that no man was created to meet all of my needs! A second trap I could fall into would be the mentality of: since the kids are gone he will just spend more time at the office, and I’ll get more involved in my things and we’ll connect when we can. This kind of attitude could lead to a sense of isolation, of drifting apart.

I knew that neither attitude was healthy and that what we needed to do was to talk about our fears and expectations and then to take intentional steps to grow closer in the season of the empty nest. It’s far too easy to simply drift, yet we have found that as we work hard in fresh ways steadily year in and year out that our relationship is becoming sweeter that I ever imagine. The key word is intentional. 

We would love to hear from you, our friends. What are some things you are doing or want to do to grow closer to your husband in this empty nest season? Email us at emptynest@familylife.com and we’ll include your ideas in a future post.